Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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