We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
