Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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