the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
