12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
