were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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