My liver just broke up with me...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
