people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
