I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
