Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
