I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
