you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
