I should be sponsored by Trojan
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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