after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
