you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
