WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
