before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
