youre lurking in front of me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
