Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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