At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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