we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
