Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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