At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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