i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
high people should be assigned attendants
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
