Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
