I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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