Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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