Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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