His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
