making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
