Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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