There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
