so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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