Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
