life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
