I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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