I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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