Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
