Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
