I think my vagina is haunted
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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