well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
