I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
