you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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