I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
