did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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