Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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