Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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