drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
