Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
