TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
