I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
