just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
