I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
