EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
